It’s been years since my vagina has gotten so much attention. Aside from when I was pregnant and giving birth, never have so many random people, and now businesses, been as concerned and seemingly invested in my vagina.
Last week, I had the loveliest conversation about my vagina with Tessa, an online avatar customer service representative, on the website for a company named Foria. Before Tessa — I feel that since we were discussing my vagina, certainly we are on a first name basis — came online, a huge pop up from the site came up, offering a small tube of lube, with another purchase.
Never would I have ever thought I’d click on a link that screams “YES MORE LUBE!” However, the site professes, “Everyone needs more lube.” I think we actually need more hand sanitizers, but I digress.
Of course, I asked my new virtual friend Tessa how the suppositories work, more out of curiosity than anything else (I promise!) because apparently, “they are a powerfully concentrated way to experience relief and excitement. There are endocannabinoid receptors in the genitals and uterus that make suppositories an effective treatment for pain and inflammation … and potentially strengthen orgasms.”
This was the basis of my conversation with Tessa. I was having fun, like you would mess around with a spammer calling from Sweden, who tells you that not only is there a warrant out for your arrest, but you also won a cruise.
Tessa: How can I help you?
Me: How exactly do you use these suppositories for period cramp and during period?
Tessa: The suppositories are inserted while lying down (we suggest for about 15 minutes) during times of cramping.
Me: Are they like pills/capsules or like a tampon?
Tessa: They are made of cocoa butter and CBD, but are inserted similarly to a tampon. The cocoa butter is solidified — they’re much smaller than tampons but the body accepts them the same way.
Of course, I had to ask…
Me: Have you tried them?
Tessa: Yes! Our whole team tries our products. They have been a game-changer for all of us.
(So, there’s at least one woman named Tessa out there, who uses a CBD-infused suppository and now has intense orgasms.) You, go, Tessa!
Me: Perfect! Do you suggest using them a few days leading up to my period?
I asked her, because when I have my period, my boyfriend could say to me, “You look beautiful,” to which I would respond, “Why are you criticizing me?”
Tessa: Yes, if you are in discomfort or are experience cramping.
I wanted to continue with Tessa, but alas, I felt like I knew more about her than some of my friends.
I then proceeded to click on, “Make Peace With Your Period In 2020,” because I truly do want to make peace. My mood swings, leading up to my period, could give anyone whiplash. Every month, I ask the universe two things; “Why can’t I be a man?” And, “Why does my uterus want revenge!” (Pro tip: Do not tell a woman to “shake it off” when they have cramps, and never ask a woman if she’s getting her period. Nothing good ever comes from that question.)
Then, at a very recent dinner party, hosted by a well known chef who incorporates CBD and THC into his dishes, I was given a swag bag, the adult version of a loot bag. The most interesting product was aimed, again, for my vagina, this time from a Canadian company, called Bast.
The company’s signature product is a lubricant, created by three women who “love having intense orgasms,” and is “specially formulated to enhance your experience … intensifying the physical (and sometimes emotional) feelings that accompany sex.” They also offer “hemp seed oil” in which the smell “will put you in the mood (as) your partner will definitely get your engine purring.”
Do I really want to purr during sex? I’m not a cat.
But again, what caught my eye was their vaginal suppositories. I hadn’t used them before. According to promotional material, Bast’s Infused Silk Lubricant works best, “when you give it time to activate … 30 to 60 minutes before playtime.”
Of course, I tried it back home.
Sex was great. Whether the lube played a part in it or not, I’m not sure. What would happen if I used a CBD-infused lube, plus hemp oils, plus a cannabis-infused suppository, while also taking a few tokes of joint? Would that combination lead to a volcanic mind-blowing orgasm?
Maybe I should ask my avatar friend Tessa.
Either way, on behalf of my vagina, thank you for all the attention!
Rebecca Eckler is the executive editor of SavvyMom.ca
Written by Rebecca Eckler, Mom 4/20